Were We Raised to Accept Abuse?

Earlier last week, we posted this quote by Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez on our Facebook page in support of her powerful speech on the abuse women endure by men, especially those men in power. However, it was brought to our attention by a kind community member that the quote may have been triggering to some victims and survivors. With her permission, we wanted to share her response here, in hopes to educate others and continue to educate ourselves on how best to speak about abuse and the trauma that comes from it:

“The truth is, we [women] are all raised to accept abuse from men. We are all socialized to accept abuse from men. Whether from our families or society, we are all raised to accept and undermine gender-based violence. And the truth is, a large percentage of survivors were/are victimized by members of their families. We all know that the norm is that families value “honor” and “image” more than the safety and dignity of their children. We all know that our communities go above and beyond to protect abusers. So while it is powerful to hear and celebrate a woman respond to gender-based harassment/violence by proclaiming that she survived (or was not subject to) patriarchal socialization, it is equally triggering and harmful for some of the survivors who follow DV/SA advocacy pages to see that quote. Because again, the truth is: escaping patriarchal conditioning is revolutionary and not the norm. We can celebrate AOC’s parents and AOC for speaking her truth (and even feel empowered by it) while also being mindful of how language that mirrors victim-blaming is triggering and harmful to survivors/victims.”

- Fatima Ibrahim, in response to “We were not raised to accept abuse.”

Thank you Fatima, for generously taking the time to share your valuable feedback and allowing us to amplify it so that we can help our community understand the intricacies of these conversations.